Our Heritage (VI)

還有故事可以聽…

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Lin’s Heritage #6 On Education

Among our family members, although we are doing OK at school, we all agree that none of us is really gifted at all. This fact was made acutely obvious to us by knowing those really gifted at school. For example, Susan has a friend who made her tenured professorship of physics at age around 30. What we agreed was overall we had an above average IQ and lots of honest effort made toward what we were trying to do.

Your Grandma decided that her children, me and my sister, should have education that should go as high as possible even though she was illiterate, and so were her parents adopted her. My father’s side offered no hope of education either; every one was illiterate.

Both myself and my sister did not go to any kinder garden, or pre-school classes. I guess at that time only very well-off family could afford to do so. But I did have private tutor at home together with my older sister, a girl adopted by Grandma. Yes, Grandma also adopted a girl. It is quite customary for the poor people to let go of their girls that they could not feed and become some one’s adopted girl. Knowing the misery of not having any education, your Grandma was determined to give this girl some education although when she came to our family she was already nine years old and not having any school education at all. Your Grandma decided to hire a private tutor to come to our home to teach her traditional Chinese education. That was very old fashion Chinese teaching, still very active at the time, despite more than 50 years of Japanese occupation and education of Taiwan. I joined my elder sister as student taking traditional Chinese lessons, such as Three Characters Bible, Confucian Dialogue etc. I do not remember whether my sister join us. Perhaps she did not because she was too young to join us.

Our adopted sister learned to read and write the old Chinese way. It worked. As to your Grandma, she finally managed to write her own name in Chinese when she was almost 60 and needed to write to prove the government official that she could manage to read and write so she could go visiting other countries for business reason. At that time, Taiwan did not allow people to go visiting other countries as tourist, only businessmen could. Your Grandma visited many countries posing as a business woman.

At primary school, my sister was doing much better than me because she was made something like deputy class chief because of her performance. I never received any award as a student. Some of you know how I managed to go to primary school on the very first day entering the grade one. Your Grandma had not time to take me to school for registration. Most probably, she could not do it either because she could not read not write.

I went to go school for registration together with a neighbor on the first day. Next day I went to school by myself by walking about one hour. However, immediately on the first ever classroom, I got into the fight with anther boy who was fighting for the same seat that I thought was my seat. It turned out I was entering into another classroom, not mine.

Normally, a class had about 40 to 50 students. Half of them did not have shoes to wear. I belong to the bare foot troop. You could imagine how hot it was during the summer by walking over the oily tartar road surface. I did have a pair of shoes, but they are for official use only, not daily run. Some students really did not have any shoe at all.

I still remembered my first semester class report was ranked 32 among 50 some students. Your Grandma gave me a very rough beating, the first that I ever had. It was so bad that I did make effort to improve. After that, your Grandma did not bother with my school reporting any more, probably she was too busy with business and she had to ask someone else to read for her. However, my ranking at school stayed at #24 for the first four years because the other 23 students had tutoring lessons with our class teachers and had access to the trial runs of tests.

Since your Grandma never knew how to check on our school status. We were forced to sign off all school correspondence by ourselves. Without any help from any one, both my sister and myself did play truant without going to school for more than one semester until finding out by the neighbor and let your Grandma know. Our playing truant was two individual events, not related. I forgot why I did it, nor did I know why my sister did it. But somehow I remembered it was something that a small kid did not know how to handle; it was not we did not like school or we were poor students.

Both my sister and myself went on to tier one good middle school by passing the competitive exam(*1) without attending any tutoring classes. I still remembered when I passed, my teacher who taught me until grade four was asking people how could I pass. While at junior high school, I did not have any problem with my school work except English.

I must dwell on the subject English for a while. I found mathematics fairly easy. The Chinese not so difficult even though we had to study ancient classic Chinese. However, English was such an alien subject to me. I had to retake exam every semester just to pass. I even could not do the home work at all. Thus, in the beginning of every semester, all I had to do is to go to a special bookstore where they are selling teachers’ aids where all home works answers were available. In fact, until I was at the senior high school, one fellow student asked me how many English alphabets were there and I did not how many.

I went from one junior high school to another even better one after passing exam. Again I did not know how I did it. In fact, I even did not know that one is better than the other. As soon as I attend the new senior high school, I found I had another nightmare with English teaching. My English teacher at junior high also moved to the new senior high and again he was my English teacher. What a nightmare?

However, my life was completely transformed at this senior high school, the Attached Middle School of Taiwan Normal University. This senior high school was run by a very liberal principle. For the first time, I found a school principle could be so liberal. If a student decided that class was not his liking, he could just leave and enjoyed himself outside the classroom. All classes were named in serial number. My class is #55, a very famous one, indeed, in the history of that school. The school classes already run into four digits, i.e. now it is class 1xxx now. Only this middle school has such a class naming system.

After one year at this senior high school, the students at class 55 decided that our head teacher was very poor, so were most of other teachers. The class performance in school was notorious. We had most of the offence reporting, all stigma of poor lousy students. Most of numbers of students dismissed. Most of numbers of students on probation, etc, etc. Yet, we believed it was not our fault. We decided to revolt and signed a petition to the school principle, requesting to change all teachers. Our petition was signed by most students, except a few who believed we were revolutionary. To avoid being named as ringleader, the petition was signed in a big circle, i.e. no one was heading the signature signing list.

Surprisingly our petition was successful. We had a new class head teacher and all other teachers newly assigned. That was the sophomore year of the senior high and we had new teachers in all subjects. I had new English teacher and I was ready for him. How?

After the freshmen year of the senior high and, during the summer, I decided to do something about my poor English study. I felt I knew too few English words and I had no understanding of English grammar at all. I went to the city library and took a look to see if there was any book I could study. I pulled every book on the shelf and read it. It took me almost one whole day. Finally, I found a book, titled something like English Grammar Explained by Sentences. For every grammar rule explained, there are twenty example sentences. Yes, I could understand the book. The question was how could I come to read the book every day, fully understood it, and without having someone else taking the book before my arrival at the library.

What I did for that summer completely changed my understanding of English. I would read every rule, copied every example sentences into my notebook; yes, I was hand copying the complete book. And at the end of the day, I would hide the book at a place only I knew so that next day I could locate it for myself again.

I had no problem with my English study after that summer. Another finale episode about English study at the senior high school was the English teaching by the newly assigned teacher. He was quite a famous teacher. When he came in for the first class. We are waiting to see how good was he. Well what we found was totally beyond our expectation…

The new English teacher started talking English and English only. He started teaching the text book by explaining English with English. For our benefit he took time to write every words on the blackboard. And all of us were furiously copying every word because we simply did not understand his verbalism at all. At the end of the class, he finally spoke in Chinese asking if we had any problem. We were relieved and start asking in Chinese.

We were quite vocal in questioning his teachings. Yet, he made no concession whatsoever. All teaching would be in English, all home works would be in English, even the test would be completely in English. And only English to English dictionary would be allowed in the class. We were frustrated as a class and asked how could he expect us to spend so much time to study English, looking up every word in English and finding more words to be checked again. His answer: His job was to teach and our job to learn; if we had to spent 24 hours all day just to study his subject, it was not his problem. And in that case, he expected us to spend 24 hours a day just to study English at the expense of all other subjects.

Surprisingly, the class made it together with the teacher. And I was fortunate to have such a teacher in my life. This writing is dragging too long. But whenever I found someone that could not study well on any subject, I do believe it is a matter of diligence, not IQ(*2).

I will stop here for now. The next one will be on our higher education. .


(To be continued…)

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註釋：
(*1) 胖媽念的是「北一女初中」和「北一女高中」。是的，那時的北一女是有國中部的，而且需要聯考。更妙的是，我印象中看過一張胖媽的國中照片，裡面是有男生的！據說是因為那時的「北一『女』」有男生，哈。
(*2) "I do believe it is a matter of diligence, not IQ"：I can't agree on it more!

Our Heritage (V)

故事再繼續…

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Our Heritage #5: Why we are losing contacts with Grandma's side of male relatives

What your Grandma did after being booted out of the rented residence and food stall at Youn Lo market?

She went into a JV(*1) with her tenant at the Circle. I did not know what was the deal. Probably without any business to operate after losing the Youn Lo stall, your Grandma wanted the food stall back from the leaser at the Circle. The leaser were from Hsin-chu and was selling the pork meat ball that was quite famous at Hsin-chu; even, nowadays Hsin-chu meat ball still dominates the market. I believe your Grandma, instead of evacuating the leaser, opted to work together with them. The JV worked out pretty well for quite a few years until somehow the other party decided to quit the JV and let your Grandma became the sole owner. Again, I was too young to know what was breakup deal, but I know it was amiable breakup because the employee from Hsin-chu stayed on to work for your Grandma.

On the housing side, it was another story. By that time, your aunt Mei Chu, my cousin, LoLo and LiLi's mother, was successful in occupying and claiming one house vacated by the leaving Japanese. Again, it was wild-west-time for every one to jump in and claim the property left behind by the Japanese. All you need to do is to physically take over the site and produce something to prove or trying to prove that the Japanese left it for you. God knew what was true or not. The house very close to #1 lane 41 Chi-Feng St and at the today's value at least US$2,000,000.

Your Grandma's nature born parents invited your Grandma to share the house with them. All of them lived in the newly occupied Japanese house, your Grandma's parents, their two brothers, and two sisters. Your Grandma had to pay to join. Again it is the backend court yard of the house that your Grandma was offered to built a small wooden house to live in. The total cost about NT$5,000 to build. The time we spent there, although short and only for a little over one year, was one of the happiest time we ever had. That small wooden house accommodated, my Grandma (my father's mother), your Grandma, me, my sister, and normally two food stall employees. We were very happy because we finally lived under our own roof. I could still remember how we sang together. All those old Taiwanese songs your Grandma could sing and I could too.

The happy time was quickly turned into an ugly story. Two brothers were without steady jobs after the war. They wanted to sell the house to raise funds to go into business. The elder brother was a magician, and I was quite often his assistant. That's where I learned Magics from. You would be surprised at that time they had to invent and make all magic tools by themselves. I watched them, group of magicians, developed the idea, test-run, and completed the tools and skits. Quite interesting, not much different than the modern-day brainstorming or R&D.

Two brothers wanted to go into business as goldsmiths. One of magician brother had a client, a goldsmith, decided to become a magician. The deal was cut: the magician brother would help his client to become a magician, and the magician brother would become a goldsmith. A perfect job swap. And eventually both were successful in their ventures. Amazing. I saw it happen.

Now back to the ugly story. Two brothers wanted your Grandma to leave by tearing down the wooden house so that they could sell the house as was. No compensation what so ever. Your Grandma asked them to sell the wooden house in a bundle so that she could recover the building cost. The answer was NO. Again it was a very tearful experience for your Grandma and us. We eventually left the house and left two brothers forever. Your Grandma's parents were unable to help, so was LiLi's mother.

Another traumatic experience with relatives. Your Grandma, this time around, decided to have really a house of her own. She paid NT$10k for our first ever self owned house. I did not know how she did it. Obviously the food stall business at the Circle was doing well. I was always asked to pen the price list in black inks over the red paper. That was how the prices were changed.

And our first self owned house at #8 lane 52 chih-feng st also had a vacant back yard that was built into another smaller house and rented out all the time. Another of your Grandma scheme to make more money.

Your Grandma basically cut off relations with two brothers for years, but maintained fare relationship with two sisters. Both brothers had wives quite mean to your Grandma's nature born mother. Believe Susan can still remember her; she was quite a beauty, but fat. At the later days of her life, she liked to stay with us at #1 lane 41 chih-feng st because she was not welcomed by either one of her daughters in law. She would pretend that she needed to go back to his son's places, but within less than one day, she was back with us. We knew it, but we would pretend that she missed us and needed to stay with us. In fact, she had no place to stay. Years later, LiLI's mother was doing better, and she went to stay with her daughter and son-in-law most of the time. As to the two brothers' goldsmith shops; both were doing well except they could not keep it. None of their children are in gold business any more. And we lost touch completely.

The next episode will be about my and my sister's schooling. And your Grandma vs our educations.

(To be continued…)
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註釋：(*1) JV：Joint Venture，指合資進行某項生意或計劃… (多嘴解釋一下，以免有人不清楚，可偏字典裡找不到縮寫字…)

Our Heritage (IV)

趁空再來貼故事…

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Our Heritage #4: Grandma had to fight them all to survive

Our first ever self-owned house is located at #8 lane 52 chih-feng street(*1), Taipei. The address is still valid where a four floor apartment is now located. The grandma bought it for about NT$10k, the share she asked for when my uncle' side had the windfall of land sales. But the money was all from your Grandma's earning, not a penny from any one else. We lived there from my grade 3 to the day I earned a place at the university entrance exam. After that, we moved to a new and much better one, #1 lane 41 chih-feng street. The newer address is still there and the building is exactly the same there. All of you were given birth there, except Tom, who had the honor of living in the best house we ever have and bought under Wendy's name with my money and Wendy's money management. After marrying, my younger sister lived on the ground floor of #1 lane 41 and we lived on the second floor. Thus, grandma bought two floors at one time and was considered a very well off business woman by that time.

What about those days before your grandma bought the first house? Where did we live and how did we survive?

I did not have very clear memory of how your Grandma made it. But your Grandma was known to continue to operate the food stall at the circle(*2) during the war. But the life was tough and food shortage rampant. Your Grandma had to source non-rationed food from the country side. She had to buy pigs for pork from I-Lan and rode train to take pigs back to Taipei. But there were cops searching for any person transporting foods for sales, other than the officially rationed ones. How to do it on the public transportation under the police surveillance? Your Grandma had to conceal the pig as baby and shouldered it on the back with the blanket covered. Of course, the pig has a baby cap on the head and compled with mittens and socks. Obeying the rules and starve or breaking the rules and survive. The choice is very obvious.

At the height of American bombing Taipei during the last phase of war, both my sister and I had to join our uncle at the farm, and your Grandma continued to stay in the city. Those were my country side days. Shortage of food did not stop kids from enjoying the country side; we swam in the stream without any teaching and supplemented foods with any things we could find. They are plenty. We ate serpents, frogs, small fishes and shrimps, crickets etc.. But the staple food was always a bucket of red carrots with very little rice in it. For that reason, I was unable to take any food with red carrots for many many years.

After the war, our first rented house was located exactly on the same street where 228 events took place. The cigarette selling ladies are every day lives there. I only remembered people were scared and angry. Very quickly we moved to another living quarter, not far away and very close to where your Grandma was having her food stall business, Youn Lo (ever happy) market. We now rented a place at the back end of a relatives' residence. The relative was from your Grandma's adopted parents' side. The relative was quite well off as a fake doctor (he was only interned as a medicine dispensing boy). The doctor was quite famous and that address still has a clinic operated by his son; this time around a medical school graduate. I can show the place to you next time you are in Taipei. It is right in front of Taipei ChenHwon Temple, where, as kids, seeing people being executed by KMT army in front of the temple was part of kids passing time fun. Eerie? Yah, but we were not aware of it. This is how I see Mainland China executing prisoners in public.

We rented the backend of doctors' residence at the fair market price. I guess at that time every one needs some extra money even if you were a doctor. Most of my pre primary and primary school days were there. I will cover my schooling in another episode.

Every one were doing better and better. Your Grandma's business, doctor's business, and your Grandma's competitors. Your Grandma had to fight her landlord and the competitors.

First, the doctor decided that he would evacuate us without any valid reason. Your Grandma was willing to pay extra rents to stay, but the doctor insisted that we moved. The doctor went to court to evacuate us. Your Grandma appeared at the court to defend herself. She prevailed. And the court ruled that the doctor needed to give your Grandma sufficient time to evacuate. I believed we stayed there for another two or three years.

On the business side, your Grandma was doing a better business than her next door competitors. Eventually, the competitors went to the stall owner (yes, your Grandma rented out the Circle stall and rented another one at Young Lo market) and had the owner agreed not to renew the rental with your Grandma.

Again, your Grandma was taken to court and she fought to win a order to give us sufficient time to relocate.

I did not participate in any of these events because I was too young. But I could hear your Grandma crying at nights after work, saying something like why people were so mean to helpless widows and their children. So much for this episode. I could not continue any more with tears again swelling in my eyes.

See you next time.

(To be continued…)
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註釋：
(*1) chih-feng street：台北市赤峰街，也是老劉出生時住的地方(但非這一個住址，應是文後提到的另一地址)。不過小劉當時年紀小(估計不到三歲)，所以對赤峰街只剩零星的記憶了；
(*2) the circle：台北市那個曾經以地方小吃聚集、聞名的「圓環」。只可惜在前幾年市政府將之改建後，因設計不良使得小吃商家經營越來越形困難，如今已吹熄燈號了；

Our Heritage (III)

舅舅繼續說故事…

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Our Heritage #3: Why we lost contact with my father's side relatives

Your Grandma now sleeps in peace at the cemetery overlooking the ocean(*1). You all have been there. My sister and I put it together. Although we did not discuss it nor openly let others know, this location is going to be the beginning of a new Lins and their progeny, you are all included unless you are having other arrangements.

Does my father have a resting place of his own? Well, as a missing-in-action person, there is no physical remains at all. About the time your Grandma passed away, the bigger kin of Lins decided to put up a group cemetery where all related Lins were put together in a shrine-like cemetery. My father or your Grandpa did have a place of his own there, though not physically. And as the only heir to my father, I am supposed to have a place booked already. We contributed to its buildup as requested, but had no intention to play any role in future. Our worship of ancestor will begin with your Grandma as the first progenitor.

Now what happened? The poor my uncle side's family continued to stay at farms after the war, but after the land reform, they had a windfall of having speculators buying up their farm land at a price they never had seen before. Legally and by traditions, the farming Lins would have to share with Lins now living in Taipei. Your Grandma asked for a small fair share, about NT$10k, enough to buy a small one floor shack in Taipei to live in. Our guess is their share was at least several times of that. They agreed, but never coughed up the money. Over years, it becomes such a bad faith that both sides decided not to talk to each other. But how did they inherit the land without our consent. We later found out: they proclaimed to the court that my father was missing and no heir, that's me, available to take his place. After so many years of proclamation, the court awarded the land right to them. Obviously it was fixed-up.

My uncle side still lives not far away from the farm. Once they even told me that I would have a piece of the house land, now that farmland already sold. But even that piece of house land was ever given to me. Most of them remains undereducated and may be living just like regular workers. In the past, sometimes they will call us to let us know there is going to have a cemetery worship. But they do not invite us any more.

How about the other sisters of my fathers? They are also uneducated and most living in the country sides. One of my aunts is exception. We call her Sugar because her name is Lin Sugar in Chinese. She married a farmer growing vegetables on the other side of Tamsui river across Taipei city. They became quite prosperous because of the land, the location is now one of subways station. Her sons also became vegetable wholesalers and are all doing very well.

That is for my father's side. Will share my mother's side story in the next episode.

(To be continued…)

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註釋：
(*1) 老劉的外婆現安眠於淡水的北海福座，山明水秀，可遠眺淡水海景；

Our Heritage (II)

續貼舅舅的文章…

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This is #2 of what I like to share with you and at times found it uneasy to share.

All of you may wonder why all our relatives come from your Mother side and not my side. Even Wendy(*1) made joke of me that all relatives of my side were maintained by her and I just stood on the sideline. Yes, both me and my only sister, Chu-chiang(*2), are pretty cool toward our relatives. I like to let you know why and how we were brought up to be so. It does not mean we do not enjoy cozy relationships with Wendy's relatives, so is Chu-chiang to her husband's relatives. We enjoy the relationship because we know how difficult to come by.

First on my father's side: My grandparents had two sons and several daughters. As usual daughters were brought up and married as soon as they were fit.

Two sons were supposed to be the heirs to Lin's heritage. Unfortunately, Lins were simply very poor contracted farmers, or the farmers working for the landlords. In fact, my grandpa even did not have a leased land to till; thus he was married into my grandma family because she had a leased land to till. Thus, my grandpa was a hired son-in-law to till the land and to give birth to children. If you ever saw the picture of my grandpa, yes, we had one, the group picture, he was tall, handsome, and could pass for a modern 007.

The land was to small to support two sons. My father was younger and had to move on to find his own life somewhere else. He moved to Taipei across the Tanshui river. Illiterate and poor, he moved around jobs, supplemented his incomes as a typical scoundrel. But he was also smart, verbal, and quick to take his own position at an emerging market. He was also smart to find a hard-working seamstress and beautiful wife, you grandma. Again, like his own father, he agreed to marry into your grandma's family. Thus, my younger sister, had a surname Kuo; the surname was changed back to Lin when KMT arrived and did not respect the local customs

My uncle passed away because of a simple appendix trouble due to the poor medical conditions. My father left us for the WWII as a cook for the Japanese family. Yes, he was a cook because he managed to occupy a food stall at the Circle to sell foods. I said "occupy" because it is a free for all Western story. You simply stake a place and stay there to claim for it. I was four and my sister just one when my father went for war. Thus, I had very little memory of him. All his heroic activities and Uncle's death, I heard it later when I grew up.

Now Lins were left with two widows and children, we have two and they have five. They continued staying at the farm and your grandma eking a life in Taipei. My grandma moved in to take (care) of me and sister; your grandma worked day and night to support us.

From now on, it is a story of continuous bitterness with both Lins' family at the country side, and the Chens' family, your grandma's nature family in Taipei. The stories would teach you only one lesson, there is no one to rely on except yourself when the time is tough; and when the time is good, most people would not share your share with you even if they are your relatives. Your grandma fought them all and was taught the lessons well not to have cozy relationship with them except for courteous reasons. I would share the story in the next episodes. But I hope all of you would like the Tai's family(*3) model, rather than Lins. Although I know when it came to financial deals, even among Tais, they have their share of bitterness. But no hard feeling, they are still a big, boisterous, happy family. See you next time.


(To be continued…)
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註釋：
(*1) Wendy：老劉的舅媽；
(*2) Chu-chiang：again，老劉的胖媽，中文名 初江；
(*3) Tai's family：我舅媽的親戚，戴家；

Our Heritage (I)

好一陣子沒update我的blog了，
最近生活上或工作上，家人的身體微恙和工作上的挫折等種種壓力，
總讓我提不起勁來寫點什麼。

這兩天，舅舅寄來一些他自己寫的一連串關於我外婆的記事，
也片斷描寫了胖媽和他的點滴成長歷程。
雖然不是什麼文學鉅著，但因內容和我有切身的關聯，讀完後的省思及情緒是深刻而複雜的。
一時千頭萬緒，抽不出時間好好整理自己的想法 (容後再補…)，
先借花獻佛，經舅舅同意，將他的文章貼上來。
不是要特別去彰顯什麼，只想或許有些朋友也會和老劉一樣，感受到某種「尋根」的興味。
那個逝去的時代、逝去的精彩人物或殘酷角色，深深地影響著我的母親，
相信也間接造就了今日老劉之所以為老劉。

最近手邊在讀的幾本書，都是所謂的半自傳，
其中一本值得推薦的『天生嫩骨(Tender at the Bone)』裡有一句話：
「人生最重要的莫過於一則好故事。」
我的外婆、爺爺奶奶們那一代，甚或我的父母他們，
動亂的年代、困苦的成長環境，彷彿讓他們總有說不完的精彩故事。
那我們呢？
生長於相對富足的時代，只不過經歷稍微的工作壓力、情感不順遂或大環境不景氣，
有什麼悲觀的權力，我們又有什麼唉聲嘆氣的資格？
數十年後，我是否能了無遺憾自己曾經夠努力去生活，對自己問心無愧，
足夠告訴我的下一代，一則關於我們的「好故事」。

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On Ohbama: our Heritage #1

I(*1) just read the abstracts of Ohbama bio in Chinese. Very impressed just like when Susan(*2) sent us the English one. In addition, I met quite a few Ohbama-father-like students in Hawaii, smart, poor, and yet ambitious. It seems Ohbama's mother is a local mixed Hawaiian herself. Anyway, I can relate to all people and even places named in the book.

I am writing this one to you to let you know it is worthwhile to remember one's heritage. Both my parents are illiterate, so are my father's parents. The only exception, is my mother's nature born father. But your grandma was given away as a baby and raised by a poor illiterate parents again.

I do not know why both my young sister(*3) and myself excelled in school even though no body, was able to teach or even guide us at home. Both of us were raised by my grandma, my father's mother in Taipei, while your grandma had to make the ends meet working full time. Perhaps, just as Ohbama's father said to Ohbama in Hawaii at 10 when they first remeet after their separation at the age of two, it is naturely born, all other Ohbama's half siblings are doing well at school.

Yes, I come from very humble family, but somehow I have the best education that I could have during that time. I can communicate well with all those coming out of the upper society, but at heart I do not share their values at all. To understand it, you can just read the articles written by my young sister; Shirley(*4) has a booklet made of those articles. It is worthwhile to reread them to know your Grandma well.

I may write more in future. But for today, I will end this one by sharing with you what I consider the most tasty food in the world in my life. It was in Honolulu, as the presidents of Taiwanese students association, together with other representatives from other country, we were entertained by the Governor of Hawaii with a formal French dinner. It was my first ever formal Western dinner. Here comes the soup, French Cosomme, the clear beef soup. I dipped my spoon to find out if there is any real food underneath. No, absolute clear soup. Upon tasting it. Oh, what a delicious soup.

It is easy to appreciate a real good French soup. Here is the other most tasty food I ever had in my life. My grandpa, my father's father, lived in the country side and came to visit us once in a while by walking about six hours to reach us in Taipei. He lived to almost 90 without doctor's case and was totally blinded during the last ten years, most probably because of cornea. When my grandpa came, he always gave us a little coin money and some real hard toast ends that we baked to eat as extra foods. It tasted so good that we fought for the crumbles of the toast. However, my grandma always scorned harshly at grandpa every time he came to see us. Eventually, I listened and found out what they were shouting at.

My grandpa was quite old at that time and, as a farmer all his life, he was dirt poor. Where did the little money and toast ends come from? He begged as a beggar all the way while walking to reach us. My grandma was ashamed of his being a beggar. I was three years older than my sister and thus I did not know whether she knew it. But I was so shocked and could not hold back my tears having the delicious baked toast ends. Even now my eyes are swell with tears. I hope you do understand my feeling.

When I came back to Taiwan in 1967 and was hired by the garment maker, Formostar, my interviewer, also a self-made East West Center alumni, I later found out, asked what was my ambition. I told him that I was going to make it one way or another, otherwise, I would leave Taiwan forever. But on one condition, I would never work for KMT controlled government. Why, I was totally pissed off by KMT as a student and as a part-timer worker when at the graduate school of Taiwan university in 1964 and as an army officer in 1963.

So much for today. See you until next time.

(to be continued...)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
註釋：
(*1) 文中的第一人稱，是老劉的舅舅；
(*2) Susan：老劉的大表姐；
(*3) “my young sister”：就是老劉的媽媽，也就是總被我稱作「胖媽」的那一位 :P
(*4) Shirley：老劉的二表姐；

相關小聯結：
* Barack Ohbama的英文自傳 Dreams from My Father: A Story of Race and Inheritance ，台灣博客來也有得買，不必從Amazon飄洋過海寄來~
* 歐巴馬的自傳中文版 ，台灣已出版 『歐巴馬的夢想之路-以父之名』

Poor Me

記下兩段說明老劉最近有多心酸的對話…

【一】
前天同事P在對老劉投以一陣從頭到腳打量的眼光後，
終於開口問道：「Julie，最近的經濟不景氣對妳有影響嗎？」
至此，其實老劉心裡已有種預感該對話會往哪兒去…
老劉：「沒啊，怎麼的？」
同事P：「因為我觀察了一陣子，我發現妳好久都沒有買新衣服了。」
老劉：「經濟不景氣對我日常生活沒啥影響啦，但是我兒子對我的影響可大了…根本沒那個閒空夫去逛街~ 下班後都帶著他，出門也無法好好shopping，心理壓力大，索性不去了。我大約快一年沒買新衣了罷~ (嗚嗚~~)」
一旁的路人同事V：「哇，P妳的觀察力也太好了，這樣妳也會發現。」
同事P：「哪？『超』明顯的好不好，以前Julie每天都穿得不一樣，現在穿來穿去都一樣啊…我心裡還暗想妳是最近手頭較緊哩！」
老劉：「……」(嗚嗚嗚嗚~~)
想來我現在已是每天衣衫襤褸，看起來很是落魄了 (冏rz)
心酸。

【二】
繼前一陣子Costco的毒餅乾老劉不幸吃過之後，
這兩天又爆出含三聚氰胺過量的『Julie’s奶油蘇打餅乾』，碰巧又是老劉常吃的零食之一。
昨天和同事聊起此事，老劉才剛起個頭，
同事P：「不會罷！妳又中獎了哦？」
老劉：「唉唉….」
同事P：「嗯嗯，反正我已經悟出一個道理了，那就是…」
「什麼都和Julie逆向操作就沒錯了！永保安康。」
「這理論不管是食物或投資的選擇都適用。」
啊~ 一箭刺中雙紅心~
除了老是隱隱覺得自己腎臟痛之外，
今年以來老劉股票基金慘跌數十萬，心痛也早己不在話下，
還被同事發現，全球股市和基金，就是在老劉從去年中開始買進之後被「帶塞」，從此一路狂瀉。
我最近的生活，會不會太坎坷了一點啊…
心酸又心酸。

Coincidences in Clinics

『劉。又。嘉』
這名字算是「菜市仔名」嗎?!

好罷，就算它不是個什麼獨一無二、高雅脫俗、驚天地泣鬼神而了不起的名字，
老劉也從來沒料到它竟然與菜市場也不過只有一街之隔 (還是根本就「住市內」?)。

好巧不巧，每次讓我活生生地遇到另一個「劉又嘉」，總是在診所裡。

猶記第一次巧遇劉又嘉，約莫是高中年紀，
犯了個小感冒，於是與胖媽前往附近的小診所就診。
當叫號叫到「劉又嘉」，當時的小劉趨前回應時，
櫃台掛號小姐瞟了小劉一眼，又低頭看了一次手中的病歷，然後向我說道：
「哇，妳個子長得好高啊~」
不明究裡的胖媽於是在一旁陪笑回應著：「是啊，她的個子算是高的…」
而小劉心裡想著，高中年紀，160公分出頭，即便不算矮，也沒那麼值得讚嘆個頭高罷？這護士小姐也态少見多怪了些…
沒想到，過了一會兒，一個媽媽帶著個看似國小年紀的小朋友走上前來說：「請問是叫到劉又嘉了嗎？」
Oops，原來被叫到的「劉又嘉」，不是小劉，而是另一個小小劉。
也難怪護士小姐要稱讚國小的劉又嘉小朋友長得高，雖然我猜她心裡想的是：
「這小朋友長得怎麼如此『糙老』吧…」 (冏rz)

而巧遇另一個劉又嘉，就在剛剛。
從昨晚老劉就覺得喉嚨不舒服，恐怕不趕緊康復會傳染給阿寶，
於是一改過去一向講求『自然療法 (i.e.其實就是沒病得死去活來，便賴著不去求醫…)』的習性，
早上就速速求醫。
因為是初次前去公司附近的診所就診，必需在掛號櫃台處填寫初診表，
當時早老劉一步，有另一位面貌清秀的小姐也拿了張初診單在填寫。
正當老劉交出健保卡後，忙著填寫單子之際，忽然聽見掛號小姐輕呼：
「咦！妳們兩個人同名同姓吔！」
聽得護士小姐這麼說，老劉向隔鄰小姐填寫中表格的姓名欄一瞥，真的是同樣三個字「劉 又 嘉」映入眼簾 (雖然那個劉又嘉的字跡較美啦~)
我和劉又嘉兩人相視一笑，心裡想著天下總有這麼巧的事，
一連兩個劉又嘉排隊看病，叫號的護士、看診的醫生、和給藥的藥劑師，都不只確認我是劉又嘉，
還得再加一句，「那個63年次的」，哈！

在驚覺原來我的名字是這麼菜市場之後，上網用「劉又嘉」孤狗了一下，
發現姓劉名又嘉的人，有老有少，跨越海峽兩岸，還真為數不少…
(其中還發現幾個貼照片徵婚、徵友的…
咳咳，老劉自認我以及今早遇見的那個劉又嘉，氣質應該是略勝一籌的罷 ><”)

Bad Words, Good Thoughts

最近遇到一個白目人，總是在我耳邊不停地嗡嗡叫著些惹人厭的話。
心裡是非常不爽快的，而以老劉一向不怎麼好的脾氣來說，
至今我還沒有終於忍不住爆發、口出惡言，我已覺得是老劉修養上了不起的進步。
可即便當下沒有發作，但個性鑽牛角尖的老劉還是會三不五時想起，心裡又是一團怨念。

然而今天，不知為何，老劉忽然『想開了』。

突然覺得，不管那位白目人的原意為何，是善意、是惡意、還是純粹的無聊和白目，
我都可以將之轉換為對我具有某種益處的諍言。
就這樣，當再聽到那些叨念時，不再心底暗生悶氣，
反而慶幸有這麼一個白目人對我提出某種形式的人生忠告，
期待從此能以此砥礪而增進自我。

怪怪，覺得這種正面而八股的想法實在不適合我，
但忽然就這麼想了，也因而高興起來。

壞話、好話，就在轉念間。

The Pursuit of Happiness

這標題原本是好幾天前就起的，
當初想寫的是基於生活中一些雞皮蒜毛，因我個性愛計較所起無關痛癢的小事，
寫出來後，大抵難免給人憤世嫉俗、無病呻吟之感。

世事難料，
沒想到文章才寫了四行，工作上的忙事忽然排山倒海，一件一件地跟隨而來，只得暫時擱筆，
接著阿寶又生起病來。
距離阿寶上次生病，短短不過一個月。
不是阿寶身體孱弱，但是身邊實在太多的小朋友們都生病，
總不能來個自我隔離，防也防不了，只能當作是「融入社會」所繳交的學費。
這次的感冒，症狀較上次來得少，
沒有了嘔吐和腹瀉，但持續不斷飆上39度多的高燒，讓阿寶渾身不舒服。
可憐的阿寶，會表達的話沒有幾個字，病痛一起，只能啍啍啊啊地呻吟、蜷曲著身子，
身為阿寶媽，同時又一向是個緊張大師的老劉，
阿寶結結實實發了幾天的燒，我就跟著渾渾噩噩跟著失了幾天的眠。
夜半時分，只要阿寶發出一點聲音，稍稍扭動他的身體，
睡在一旁的老劉，馬上由「假寐」中驚醒，
甚或他根本毫無動靜，我也會固定間隔時間一到，馬上完全清醒地要幫阿寶量量體溫。
連續三個晚上的煎熬，連老劉都開始有感冒的症狀出現，
慶幸的是第四天後，阿寶的病情總算是大有起色，估計應該離完全康復不遠了。

忙得焦頭爛額，又累得像隻老狗，自然將這之前只起了個頭，為賦新詞強說愁的文章給忘了，
眼見阿寶漸漸恢復健康，才又想起它來。
當初那種為了小事引發想一吐為快的情緒早已銜接不上，寫不下去。
倒是看著之前寫的標題，對比著當時對「生活」、「快樂」，存著茫然、懷疑的態度，
若是現下問老劉，目前生活中所想追求的幸福是什麼，
我大抵可以確定的回答，
生活中最簡單的幸福，就是自己心愛的家人朋友，身體健健康康、無憂無慮~

後記：
哈！這篇文章因為阿寶的一場病，
由原先的碎碎念文，成功幻化為充滿母愛光輝、正面能量的文章。
這轉變，就像老劉由一向奉行個人主義、自愛至上，只想顧好自己，其他什麼都不想管的人，
在有了阿寶後，轉化成一個可以為了阿寶，放棄許多玩樂享受的機會，
偶爾抱怨歸抱怨，仍舊會每天回家煮飯洗衣的家庭主婦一樣，
不僅讓許多深知老劉「為人」的友人吃驚，連老劉自己想來也難免一驚 :)

No Lies, No Business?!

最近工作上挫折感挺大，忙歸忙，卻是越來越意興闌珊，
事情始末，非三言兩語可以道盡，一時也不知從何說起，
總而言之，慢慢體認自己絕非做sales的材料。
以前便是這麼想，原因是一直認為自己不是個「公關型」的人，不懂得如何交際應酬，
老是不曉得什麼時候該講什麼話來填補空檔，常一不小心就把場子搞冷。
然而，最近才發現那並非我之所以不會適合做銷售/業務的主要原因，
致命傷是在於，我不懂得 睜 眼 說 瞎 話。

雖然一向自稱憤世嫉俗(cynical)，但其實對這世界還有太多不切實際的天真幻想，
我以為商業環境中所謂的『雙贏』真實存在，交易中雙方進行的不必得是零和遊戲，
並非一定要對方吃虧了，才意味著自己能獲益。
我相信誠懇用心的長期經營，勝過短期利潤的『拆吃入腹』，
拿掉生意來往關係，不也是要回歸到最基本的人與人交往互動嗎？
爾虞我詐，機關算盡，才是做生意的常態嗎？
原來自認個性的「公平正直」，「待人以誠」的堅持，
都成了商業社會中的笑話，成了失敗者的印記。
我沒有勇氣大聲說出，儘管Business is Business，做生意還是得講情義，
不是除了白紙黑字的合約之外，就可以為了私利信口開河，漫天要價。

在老闆眼中，我是個拙劣而不稱職的業務罷 －－ 也或許我真的是，
可起碼我對自己心安理得。
就這樣罷，算是失職也好，就說是能力不足也行，
反正我就是這樣的我，為了五斗米而折腰，
我做不來。


誰能告訴我，諴懇殷實的銷售經營成功之道，真的不存在嗎？

Categorization

.
【寫在前頭的題外話】
其實這篇並不是為了想寫而寫，
只是看著距離上一篇發文，轉眼已經快兩個月了，
期間"Friends 12345 Blog群"也只靠炯叔一篇極簡版台中遊記撐場面，
有種整個一起向下沉淪之感傷。
寫東西有時需要一點沒太大意義的 "Momentum"，
一旦放棄了那種持續的慣性動力，人一下子就會怠惰起來，且一懶不復返。
由於還不想完全放棄這個地方，所以硬逼著自己，隨便寫寫也好…
於是，這就是篇強迫自己「隨便寫寫」的文章。

【本文】
繼「宅男」、「腐女」之後，最近又有一新名詞：「干物女」，引起廣泛討論。
所謂「干物女」，網路上孤狗了一下，找到其簡單定義如下：
「干物女」，ひものおんな，
字面上的意思是晒乾了的魚，這裡指像香菇、干貝等乾巴巴的女人。
引申指涉二十多歲就放棄戀愛的女人。

若讀其定義至此打住，當然老劉一點也算不上什麼「干物女」，
畢竟老劉連兒子都有了，更別說是什麼在「二十多歲就放棄戀愛的單身生活」。

然而，除此之外，一般判斷屬於「干物女」的特質還有：
● 凡事都說：「這樣最輕鬆」、「好煩呀」
● 假日時幾乎都在家裡睡覺，穿著高中時代的體育服裝，歪斜躺在家裡喝啤酒看棒球轉播、DVD
● 隨便站在廚房吃東西
● 最近只有爬樓梯讓自己心跳
● 忘記東西則不脫鞋，而直接以腳尖踩地板到房間拿
● 假日不化妝，也不穿內衣
● 半年以上沒有去美容院
● 只有夏天除毛
● 一個人也敢上居酒屋等

據稱，只要符合其中五項，你也是干物女。

哇~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
老劉幾乎符合所有條件，所以我是個不折不扣、已經有「家累」的干物女！
而且慘的是，在此之前，老劉視其中大部份習慣為理所當然，甚至以為「大家皆是如此」，
若有誰告訴我那是什麼「不可取」的特性，我可能還要覺得那人是個生活得太過緊繃的人種。

● 凡事都說：「這樣最輕鬆」、「好煩呀」
由於日文和中文使用上習慣的不同，此句文字經過翻譯已不是很能傳達其可成為口頭禪的妙義，
但我想它的意思是：生活中的大小事，總是想要找出能輕鬆行事的方法就好，
多一事不如少一事，對於其他非必要的運籌帷幄，一律覺得麻煩囉嗦…
=> 是地，老劉就是這麼認為，尤其是在有了阿寶，生活的時間被壓縮到緊迫盯人的程度，
「非得」、「必要」的事，能及時完成就已謝天謝地，誰要來額外多生一事，
一律被我嫌煩。

● 假日時幾乎都在家裡睡覺，穿著高中時代的體育服裝，歪斜躺在家裡喝啤酒看棒球轉播、DVD
假日時幾乎都在家裡睡覺 => 老劉現在除非特別的活動，假日時幾乎都在家，睡覺倒不至於
(雖然平日為了阿寶持續睡眠不足的我，若能有份倒頭大睡，求之不得)
但也是柴米油鹽，沒啥特別活動值得說嘴。
穿著高中時代的體育服裝 => 雖沒那麼厲害，高中時體育服還能妥善保留至今，
但在家中穿的輕鬆(=邋遢？)休閒服，倒也是多年如一日的同樣那幾套，
穿著舒服習慣為上… 難道大家不都是這樣嗎？！ (一驚)
歪斜躺在家裡喝啤酒看棒球轉播、DVD => 老劉一向不喝啤酒，喝紅酒的習慣，在哺餵阿寶後也得有所節制，但歪斜躺在家裡看棒球轉播(王建民)、DVD，是完全命中… 原來這樣也算是特有的生活習性嗎？！ (二驚)

● 隨便站在廚房吃東西
=> 是啊，有時從冰箱、櫉櫃裡挖出食物乾糧，直接就著口就往肚子裡塞了，
也知道這是個很糟的習慣，飲食品質極差，但就是改正不過來… (一羞)

● 最近只有爬樓梯讓自己心跳
=> 嗯，沒錯，除了心跳，還會氣喘。
但最近也不常有機會爬樓梯就是了。

● 忘記東西則不脫鞋，而直接以腳尖踩地板到房間拿
=> 呵，老劉一向如此，因為鞋子難脫(藉口)，我趕時間(藉口)嘛~ (二羞)

● 假日不化妝，也不穿內衣
=> 啊？大家一般(若不外出)不都如此嗎？！(三驚)

● 半年以上沒有去美容院
=> 絕對命中老劉… (三羞)

● 只有夏天除毛
=> 嗯… 沒有「外露」的話，花那麼多時間在那邊「修毛」做什麼？ (四羞)

● 一個人也敢上居酒屋等
=> 台灣人不上「居酒屋」啦，但自己一個人去餐館吃飯的話對老劉來說算不上什麼，
上班時的午餐，常常一個人解決啊… 這樣很糟嗎？

結論是 =>=>=>=>=>=> 請叫我「干物媽」。


※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※※
加在尾巴的題外話，
覺得日本人實在很愛發明些有的沒的名詞，來將人們分類化，將社會模型化，
什麼「宅男」、「腐女」、「敗犬」、「干物女」、「M型社會」等，
而隨便一個名詞，也都會廣受台灣人的愛用。
(尤其是「M型社會」，在台灣被使用到幾乎發爛的程度，
不管什麼社會現象，最後都可以加上一句「M型化社會趨勢」作結。)
怎麼台灣人沒點自己的創意，也發明個什麼新名詞來流行一下罷。
.

Squeamishness

一向是個愛疑神疑鬼的人，
對於大大小小的事總有許多過多的「操煩」。
憂慮太多的「萬一」、「What if」，
對於各種事的可能性，老是先往最壞的地方去想。
說得好聽是「有備無患」、「做好心理準備」，
但實際上卻擔憂了太多根本從來就不會發生的事。

我也知道「先煩惱起來放著」一點用處也沒有，
我也理解「船到橋頭自然直」、「兵來將擋，水來土淹」的道理，
可是怎麼也沒辦法將那些多餘的壞念頭趕出腦外。

而且，
神經質的老劉煩惱著、煩惱著，
理性的老劉忍不住跳出來批判自己命賤，沒事硬去找些沒的事來操煩。
於是，一邊煩惱著，一邊更氣的是自己幹嘛要這麼多餘地為這種事煩惱，
煩上加煩，惡性循環，
然後更確信了自己是個沒有大智慧的人種。

天下本無事，庸人自擾之。

The Nature of This Job

老劉的工作性質，
閒的時候，閒到整天鬼混得我都覺得不好意思了，
然而一忙起來，又好像一整世紀的事都擠到一塊兒似的急於處理。

太閒、太忙，都是一股巨大的精神壓力。
怎沒法子像行政職公務人員一樣，
每天做些固定的事情，對什麼時候該做什麼事能有所「預期」，能有所規劃去按部就班地完成，
不必接受突如其來的壓力耐性大考驗。

這種時候就會想，
要是能當個工作內容單調，卻安穩的公務員就好了...

Changed & Unchanged

再過兩天，老劉當媽的日子將屆滿八個月。
回顧過去這段時光，竟似轉眼瞬間，兵荒馬亂之中竟也過了不止半年。
『為人母』這樣的一個新身份，讓老劉由內到外，多多少少起了些轉變，卻也有許多不變。

首先變了的是「豐腴」的身形。
體重比未懷孕前還重了四公斤，更奇怪的是好像變得更容易發福。
不知道是不是身體的新陳代謝率會因懷孕生子而有所變化之類的，
不覺得吃得有比以前多 (充其量也只是「一樣很多」)，
量體重卻忽然發現可以在兩週內重了快三公斤，著實把自己嚇了一大跳。

再者變了的是「胸部的狀況」，
身為超級平胸一族的老劉，對於可以持續餵母乳至今，是之前怎麼也料想不到的奇蹟。
而所謂改變了的「狀況」，並不是因母乳而有了罩杯提升之類的好事 (仍舊是”平哺族”的 :S)，
卻是變成有種下垂的傾向，慘！

不變的是，不像一般當媽了的人會將頭髮剪為較短、較容易整理的髮型，
老劉依舊留著一頭長髮。
這不是沒有原因的，
一則天生頭大的老劉沒有勇氣摒棄長髮的掩護，坦蕩蕩地將大頭原形示人，
二則產後掉髮的情況十分嚴重，怕剪短了掩人耳目的長髮，更顯原來頂上無毛。

變了的還有越來越「憔悴」的外表，
長駐的黑眼圈、越來越乾燥卻同時冒痘子的皮膚，
不消解釋，這是長期睡眠不足，神精緊繃造成的後果。

變了的是老劉不再有許多當季新裝可以替換，
不是因為當媽之後便不想講究外表，
也不是因為母性的偉大，讓我只想將錢花在小孩身上而對置裝不再有興趣。
不變的是我對置裝購物的喜愛，
但變了的是不再有那悠閒的好時光可以逛街，
每天忙著餵奶、哄小孩，就算週末有時間可以去壓壓馬路，
帶著阿寶還得隨時緊張他大爺會不會餓著了、無聊了、大哭起來，
讓我難有好好shopping的閒情逸緻。
(同理可推至看電影等休閒活動…『依舊很有興趣』，但卻『沒時間』…)

以為會變的是老劉的『母愛指數』；
原本聽得人說，自己當媽了之後，會變得對小孩子更有「愛心」，
卻發現這理論在我身上不甚靈驗。
老劉從來就算不上是個「愛小孩」的人，
每次遇到小嬰兒/小朋友時，總是不知道要怎麼與其「相處」，常有種「冷場」的尷尬。
當然，現在對自己的阿寶是愛得很，但要是碰到了別人的嬰兒/小朋友，
那個不知道怎麼「愛小孩」的老劉，依然故我。

同樣，以為會變的是老劉的脾氣與耐性；
人們總說，帶小孩久了，會被磨得脾氣和耐性都不得不好了起來，
這點在我身上好像也不怎麼正確。
碰到小孩「歡」、「無法溝通」時
(對一個不到一歲的小孩而言，其實應該是從來都沒能「可以溝通」過…)，
老劉沒變的是仍然沒有耐性、常忍不住脾氣「拿起來(台語)」。
所幸這時候可以趕快將阿寶交給老梁處理，所以至今尚未有什麼虐兒之類的慘案發生。

但在心境上，老劉的確改變了的是能對「有小孩的人」更有一些「體諒」的心。
一向不怎麼喜歡小孩的我，以往若在公共場合 (e.g. 餐廳、交通工具、商店, etc.)中，
碰到那種無理取鬧、鬼吼鬼叫、狂哭不止的小孩，總是讓老劉很抓狂，
常有種恨不得一巴掌呼下去，或是直接將之踹倒在地的衝動。
尤其，我會對那小孩的家長非常感冒，
覺得一定是他們沒教好自己的小孩，才會讓他們出門撒野，
我甚至認為，如果沒本事能「控制好」自己的小孩，就不該帶他們出門
(老劉一向是個很「嚴厲」的人)。
然而，現在雖然阿寶還不到那種出門後會胡鬧的年紀，
但我已開始可以想見再過一、兩年後，老劉可能也會變成那種拿小孩莫可奈何的家長
(因為我已學習到小孩子真的是一種很難溝通的生物) ，
而且，我應該還是會「忍不住帶他出門」罷，
畢竟有了小孩就得關在家裡的生活，會讓人悶出病來。
所以，讀者中若有像老劉一樣，對小孩會在公共場所吵鬧難以忍受的人，
請盡量多多包涵，給我們多一點「同情的眼光」，
因為我們可能已經盡力了，
對小孩的行為會造成旁人的困擾，我們也是千百個不願意啊~~

最後，一個明顯由blog就可以看出的轉變，
就是老劉開始有了所謂的「媽媽經」，會寫一些關於阿寶的心得和無聊評論。
可我想這在所難免，畢竟現在除了上班外，大部份的時間都得花在這個小傢伙身上。
並不代表老劉不再關心生活中的其他大小事，
而三不五時的碎碎念，也只能希望大家看得無趣也別太嫌惡了…
.

Hot Blooded

老劉自認是個運動細胞不錯的人。
雖然大約從大二可劃出一條臨界線，
之後才認識我的朋友，可能會覺得難以相信而認為老劉是在大吹法螺，
因為我明明就是個平常不運動，偶爾動一動也要嫌累、嫌流汗的人種。
但若是從大二之前就認得老劉的人，或多或少，應該都有印象老劉是個四肢發達的人，
好歹老劉從小就曾是多種體育校隊隊員，從躲避球校隊、羽球校隊、到田徑隊等，
也得過北市中小運動會的短跑獎牌、數個校內的跳高、球類等獎項。
當然，好漢不提當年勇 (旁白：嘴裡說不提，這篇開頭還不是完全成了一個炫耀文)，
而且老劉的運動細胞如何事實上和本文的主題也沒太大關係
(旁白：那不更顯得上文純粹是為了炫耀而炫耀?!)
Anyway，言歸正傳，重來一次…

老劉自認為是個運動細胞不錯的人，雖然從大學以後忽然對運動這件事不再那麼感興趣，
對許多屬於「較成人世界」的運動類型 (老劉自己分類的)，如網球、棒球、足球、高爾夫球等，
也完全是門外漢一枚，規則懵懵懂懂，更別說要能看出什麼其中的高深技巧。
因此，常有人知道老劉很熱衷於當前的某項賽事時，總會說：
「哇！看不出來『原來你也是這種人』！」
是的，老劉正是這種人，
對於當下的熱門賽事，如世界棒球賽、網球公開賽、世界盃足球賽等等，
只要有機會，老劉會積極地觀看轉播，關心比賽內容和成績。
如此看來，老劉並不是因為熱愛該項體育活動而看比賽，
你若要說我純粹是那種不懂又硬要湊一腳的無聊漢，我也無從反駁起。
但，其實隱藏在我「愛湊熱鬧」表面下的真正原因是：
老劉有時也會想做個熱血青年啊！

是的，老劉雖然外表看來並不特別隨和，為人也不見得特別可親，
但是從小，小劉就對於各種賽事(不侷限於體育活動) 的加油應援便有一股難以理解的熱情。
一般來說，我對所謂的「職業例行賽」並無太大興趣，
因為就說了，對體育活動本身我一點也不在行，只是若遇到事關團體榮譽、國家間的賽事，
小/老劉心中強烈的民族情感和團體意識便要急速高張。
管他是棒球、籃球、桌球、網球、跆拳道，就算是老劉完全看也看不懂的搥球也行，
只要真能有本國選手出賽，老劉也會義不容辭、激烈昂揚地加油吶喊。
行文至此，可能有人會對以上文字提出兩點疑問，在此先行岔題解釋一番：
問一：你說你對「職業例行賽」並無興趣，但你還不是準時收看大聯盟洋基的球賽？
答：well, 洋基的球賽對老劉而言，代表的可不僅只是一支國外職業球隊的例行賽，
原因是顯而易見的小王，王建民啊！
台灣之光王建民在紐約投球，代表的可是我們兩千三百萬人的露臉，
怎可不好好地為其大力應援，給予精神上的最大支持~
問二：你說要能投入而搖旗吶喊的前提是有本國選手出賽，但上回世界盃足球賽，
明明沒有台灣代表隊，你還不是跟別人一頭熱地收看比賽？
答：嗯…是地，這題的答案可能較為匪夷所思，讓人見笑了。
這是源於2002年世足賽時，適逢老劉留學英國。
英國人瘋足球的程度，相信大家都時有耳聞，不必我再多加解釋。
那時遭受身旁的氣氛感染，再加上怎麼說雖是作客異鄉，也難免有些歸屬之情，
當時自然不把自己當「外人」地為英國隊加油，
那時情感轉移至今，當世足賽再起時，帶有緬懷過往回憶的情緒，
繼續為英國隊加油也就跑不掉了啦。

話說回來，老劉一點也不像是熱血派的人物，憤世嫉俗的傾向倒還多些。
那為何會對國際體育賽事之類的特別澎湃亢奮呢？
其實說穿了，也不過是為了「自High」。
畢竟，一個平平凡凡的小女子如老劉我，人生中難得能成就些什麼大事，
日進日出(day in day out)，吃喝拉撒，
活過了三十幾個年頭，很少能親身碰到幾次值得慷慨激昂的場合，
若不放手讓自己特別去感受一些笑聲和眼淚，日子只怕更加的平淡無奇。
所以，常常要想著去吃些特別的美食來提振自己的士氣，
要偶爾去欣賞什麼表演、看看什麼電影、讀讀什麼好書，領略不一樣的人生風景，
甚至是這般沒頭沒腦地為某一個球隊、某一個運動員加油，體驗「投入」本身的快樂，
是一種生活情感的延展，
是一種人生經驗的擴張，
是一種藉由「熱血」讓自己活得「更有味道」的嘗試。

所以，對真正的sports fans來講，你可以鄙夷我是個只會看熱鬧的傢伙，
但老劉的想法，只不過是要讓自己活得更快樂精彩，
如此簡單而已。


=================================================
在一個台灣形象廣告中，
“Where is Taiwan?”
王建民說 ”I will show you”…

王建民實現諾言：






(美國福斯電視網在比賽轉播中秀出台灣的地圖!!)

Say No, Like a Professional

老劉的孬種，是不斷重覆出現在這個blog的話題，
想必是不用我再多加贅述舉例證了。
而個性孬種這件事，反映在日常生活應對中，就是不知道要如何拒絕別人，
不知道要如何拒絕自己不想參加的邀約、
不知道要如何拒絕讓人為難的請託、
不知道要如何斷然拒絕不屈不撓的推銷人員。
而這樣的事，只是發生在身旁吃喝拉撒的小事便罷，
頂多勉為其難地將就一下，或是心裡犯一陣嘀咕，一咬牙過了就算了，
但最近老劉發現這樣的個性，在我的「職場生涯」中也造成了一定程度的困擾。

這裡要說的，並不是被老闆指派作什麼讓我想說No的任務，
畢竟老劉一向相信「食君之祿，忠君之事」(或說難聽點是「拿人錢財、與人消災」)，
老闆可不是花鈔票請我坐在辦公室裡吹冷氣，請我做份工還得讓我先挑三揀四的。
如此說來，那拒絕別人這件事跟老劉的專業生活又有什麼關係呢?
這就要從老劉一直以來「妾身未明」的職場身份談起。
我常怕別人問起我的工作內容是什麼，倒不是老劉的工作有什麼見不得人之處，
只是往往即便是將老劉「落落長」的英文*(註一)職稱頭銜一口氣念完，
也少有人能很快地理解我「實際上」到底每天幹些什麼維生。
描述得真切點，其實我的工作內容絕大部份是「不定」。
是怎麼個「不定」法呢?
應該說是老劉每天開工要做些什麼，完全依老闆的指示動態而定。
有時是做做Market Research，有時是做做Technology Survey，
可以是study某一家和我們有競爭關係/或是合作潛力的公司，
時常要寫寫Marketing的材料，像是CRM documents、Press Release、Study Case等，
三不五時也要來個替公司solution 市場定位之類的proposal，
偶爾要和partner prospects開開會、做做present，
每年固定時候要寫寫公司對股東報告用的Annual Review/Business Plan，
有時還得負責去申請技術專利、政府的一些輔導計劃，參加些產品評選之類的東西…
其它還有很多天外飛來一筆的任務，是老劉現下一時也想不起來的，
總之是上至公司整體策略，下至產品文宣稿之類的東西，
公司裡沒人做的，便都算在老劉的職務範圍之內。

而其中，和今天主題相關，也是老劉最怕的，
就是和Partner Prospects接洽、討論、且建立合作關係這一項。
所謂Partner Prospects，包含那些不論是在產品技術、銷售通路、行銷策略、公司層級的合作上
有機會潛力的其它公司。
而這些公司的出現，有可能是觀察在市場/技術上的需求，我們主動去找來的，
有時候是對方發現敝公司的某一項產品/技術/銷售上對他們可能有助益，而自己上門求親的，
但也有很多時候，是經過某些人的引荐而開始。
當中，最常會讓老劉的孬種個性陷入困境的，莫過於第三類。
怎麼說呢？
以第一類的公司來講，既是我們主動敲門尋找合作機會，
當然是恨不得快馬加鞭，越快能促成合作的關係越好，
當真是對方問些什麼問題，要些什麼資料，一定是知無不言、言無不盡，
就怕不能充分表露我們十二萬分的合作誠意，積極展現敝公司運作的超高效率。
而第二類自己找上門的公司，一開始需要相互的瞭解溝通，審慎評估，
真發現雙方的合作能有加分效果，自然是天上掉下來的禮物，繼續好好經營未來的康莊大道，
但若是評估兩方合作的effort和value，對我們難有實質的助益，
以一種「專業」的態度(自以為?)，說聲「抱歉，不來電」，
倒也好聚好散，並不尷尬囉嗦。

最怕就屬第三類，由別人介紹而來的。
這類型的對象，如同第二型，有時合適，那就可以皆大歡喜，送入洞房；
但也有很多時候，是明眼人一看便知就算勉強湊合，也只能落得吃力不討好。
可這時就不能一律像對付第二類的公司，直截了當地說聲「謝謝，再聯絡」，便可了事，
尤其當那個介紹的「別人」，角色可能是公司大股東、又或個什麼董事會成員之類的。
俗話說，「打狗也要看主人」，而我們這是「退親也要看媒人」，
當媒人一股熱情地積極想搓合小倆口，我們若是鐵著臉一口說不，豈不是太不給面子，
於是，欲迎還拒的拖延戲碼便要上場。
大姑娘家想向上門求親的對象說不，卻又不得不保留點想像空間給對方，
免得姿態太過驕傲，傷了雙方 —更重要的是媒人— 的情感。
遇到這種情形，老劉就會收到老闆「先擋一擋」的指令，意即看看狀況，再找個時機說聲：
「對不起，你真的是個好人，只是我們不合適~」。
這中間的「先擋一擋」，就是學問所在，也是老劉的考驗所在。

「先擋一擋」，因此不管對方來信問什麼，必先拖上個半天一日才要回覆；
「先擋一擋」，所以對方所提出的問題，回答得越概略矇矓越是符合所需，務必讓對方來回往返多問個次，才能弄懂究竟是怎麼一回事；
「先擋一擋」，所以對方希提供的相關資料，當然不要一次寄全，最好是分批發送，每次發送之間若能再拖延些許時日，就更加完美了；
「先擋一擋」，於是對直接面對面或以conference call討論的請求，要以最近剛好同時進行另一個project，schedule滿檔，所以時間很難喬等等藉口，能有多久，便拖多久…
雖聽來好像已有SOP(作業標準程序)可以遵循，但做起這些不怎麼光明正大的小動作，實在不符合老劉的個性，不管做過幾次還是同樣心虛彆扭。
我也很想坦白讓對方知道「我們並不適合，再這樣下去也不會有結果」，
讓對方早早死了心，別再繼續耽誤彼此的青春，
但老闆「先擋一擋」的指令如山，不是老劉可以隨心所欲地坦率處理的，
所以只好繼續充滿著「不好意思」地坐在電腦前，文情並茂地寫著實際上內容空泛的mail，
碰到電話鈴聲響起，就要「皮皮剉」地擔心著該如何應對，繼續地「先擋一擋」。
運氣較好的，對方也感受到了你的「誠意」，自己知難而退、拂袖而去，
但遇到對方積極進取，永不放棄的，
也只能捱到最後不得不說「No」的那一刻來臨，
儘管覺得對方應該會對老劉心中幹譙詛咒之聲滔滔不絕，
還是得硬著頭皮，婉轉而又不失專業地拒絕對方，
只能安慰自己，老天爺會同情我罷，我不是故意要這麼機車的，

我也是千百個不願意啊~~


*註一：不是老劉愛「繞英文」，只是妙的是老劉真的沒有「中文職稱」，而你要我自行翻譯的話，也只能翻出個望其文不能生其義的名稱來，有講等於沒講。

A Concert

最近讀的一篇文章中聊到參加現場演唱會這件事。

老劉這輩子去過大大小小數個演唱會，
有實力派唱將的，有創作型歌手的，有知名樂團的，
有定位於實力唱將與偶像間模糊地帶的女歌手，
也有為了某種名目大堆頭歌手接力演出的。
演唱會所在的場地
有古早年代時高中的體育館，大學時代的大禮堂，
不同的縣/市立體育場，某些知名的Pub開唱，
也有在大公園中露天演出的。
有一些售票，舞台音響設備一流，
也有以校慶、跨年、新歌發表會等不同原因的免費招待演出。

其中，至今老劉記憶深刻的是約莫8年前參加的一場演唱會。

地點是大安森林公園，時間是一週中的某天，演唱者是一個老劉喜歡的女歌手。
熟知老劉的人或許知道，我一向不是個喜歡搭乘公車，千里迢迢「進城」的人，
為了不想坐太久令我發暈的公車的綠故，
常會發懶放棄參加許多活動的機會。
記得那時的小劉正值低潮，悶著許多的情緒，找不到出口。
但在得知演唱會的消息後，卻「毅然決然」地在一天疲累的下班後，
一個人坐上公車前往森林公園。

那是第一次，也是唯一的一次老劉獨自前往演唱會，
在擁擠的人群中，找了一小方草地坐了下來。
相較於週遭興奮得吱吱喳喳、成群結伴參加演唱會的人們，
小劉一個人默默地望向其實看不太到演唱者的舞台方向。
在森林公園舉辦的個人免費露天演唱會，其實音響設備不太好，
音樂聲有時顯得刺耳，麥克風聲音有時忽大忽小，
女歌手時而快歌，時而慢歌，
身旁的人們時而隨之high得起舞，時而跟著吟唱，
而小劉莫名地淚如雨下。
不是因為歌聲而感動，也不是因為見到喜愛的歌手而激動，
只是隨著一首首熟悉的歌曲，一聲聲敲入小劉的心裡，
淚水決堤般止也止不住，
有種希冀讓心底的情緒能隨著音樂和淚水一次暢快沖洗的想法，
雖然身邊圍滿了人群，卻感覺自己是在一個安全、可以放心大哭的封閉空間中。
就這樣一個人淚流了整場演唱會，
然後結束了，再一個人搭乘深夜的末班公車回家。

之後在電視上看到那場演唱會的轉播，
只覺得聽起來和現場差很多，
而當晚的心情，也找不到一絲絲痕跡了。

Money Luck

前一陣子聽到一句話：「人不理財，財不理你」、「人不理債，債會追你」。
覺得大是有道理，
於是興致高昂，馬上起了個要好好「理一理自己的財」的決心。
很有行動力地跑去重新申請了我那早已過期的股票交易線上認證，
準備大刀闊斧地處理一下我那些抱了七、八年，投資報酬卻永遠是負數，
多年來被緊緊套牢，也從來未見股價有任何起色的股票”們”。
所以，一個星期內，老劉陸陸續續地將手上的股票賣出，
因為只是抱著「一定要做個了斷」的心態，想說套也套了那麼多年了，
賣出時並沒有做什麼特別的功課，每天掛個一、兩張單，賣了便是。
結果，
被老劉賣出的股票，
在過去的幾天內，由老劉賣出後至上星期三大盤大漲作收，
分別漲了5%至15%不等，
其中一檔股票，更是天天股價創三年來的新高。
是的，是老劉賣出了股票後才漲的，所以那漲幅和新高跟老劉的獲利一點關係也沒有~~
該怎麼說呢？過去數年來的投資經驗，老劉投資什麼賠什麼。
買股票總是直接送進套房，
買人家說「較不容易賠」的基金，我同樣在持有的數年間，不曾見任一檔的投資報酬率呈現正值，
我買的外幣，也老是在低點被我賣出，不論是美金或英鎊，總是在被我清出後匯率一路飆升…
我知道，有人看到這裡要說了，沒認真做足功課的人，本來就沒有權利談什麼投資獲利的，
但瞎矇不有時也該有剛好矇對的時候嗎？
怎我投資(賭博?)的運氣一路背到爆？！

結論是，
若是有人想要做什麼投資，歡迎大家來「請教」老劉。
總之老劉想要進什麼，你們就出什麼，
老劉想要賣什麼，你們就趕緊買什麼。
和老劉對作，我想，那就是會有財神保佑的明牌了。

Good Appetite

其實熟知老劉的人都知道，
我一向就是個超級大胃王，
(想當初開blog時，公子鴿還想把我的標題取作「吃個老母豬不抬頭」~)
一口氣吃下三罐pringles洋芋片，或是一整個12吋大 pizza，都可以絲毫面不改色。
最愛吃的餐飲形式是buffet，
每每吃完大餐時可從外觀明顯看出突出的胃部，總讓同行的友人蔚為奇觀。

年輕時愛吃，卻苦於銀兩不多，吃大餐時的顧慮多在羞澀的阮囊；
年紀漸長，依舊愛吃成性，經濟上也不成問題了，卻為了身材的考量，
總也不能縱情地大吃特吃，畢竟年過30，
新陳代謝率的逐年下漸和容易肥肉身上堆是無法罔視的殘酷事實，
吃起東西來，必須有所節制…
想想，人類真是種可憐的動物，
有那種身體時沒那個錢供養，有那個錢的時候卻又沒那種本錢消受了，
so ironic.

而最近，或許是生完兒子後，月子中食補吃得喚醒了沉睡已久的大胃口，
不僅對過年時手邊的各色零食毫無抵抗力，
看著電視上的美食頻道介紹的各式特色小吃和風味餐廳，
突然覺得我好想 吃！吃！吃！！

老劉鍾愛的美食餐點一一浮現腦海：
我要去吃那一口咬定，熱乳酪便流洩而出的義大利半月餃；
我要去吃那有菠菜、雞蛋、和義式香腸的薄脆pizza；
我要去吃那真正辣入心坎，煮著薄牛肉片和牛肚的大辣麻辣鍋；
我要去吃那熟度、厚度恰到好處，不必加sauce也肉汁四溢的牛排；
我要去吃那奶油濃郁、温暖香鬆的scone餅；
我要去吃那老闆加cheese、奶汁、海鮮饀料毫不手軟，軟硬火候又烤得完美的焗烤飯；
我要去吃那薄嫩爽口、滋味入裡的鮮切生牛肉盤；
我要去吃那Mascarpone cheese、咖啡酒一點都不偷工減料的Tiramisu；
我還要吃淋上薄荷醬提味去腥的現烤帶骨羊小排....
我一定要去吃！

一個新年新希望，
就是要抽空去好好將這些我的最愛至少吃上一輪！

(這篇純粹是過年太閒，胡亂吼吼…)